Firstly,
congratulations! You get to be in a relationship with me. Secondly, thank you,
because it’s not going to be easy. I assume you already know this on some or
other level since I wouldn’t be calling you my boyfriend without us knowing
some of our least appealing qualities. For example, I think I am extremely
funny - this letter is a long drawn out
example of that. Initially, it was meant as a how to on how to date me, with
lists of my faults and tips on how to deal with them. I decided against that
because there really are just too many to mention. So, instead, I should
perhaps share my hopes, dreams and fears for the future with you. We should
know that about each other, right? I’m
sure you have dreams. Maybe I’ll even end up sharing them with you, if they’re
not boring. And if they are, I’ll just pretend I do because I want to be a good
partner to you.
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| I’m not sleeping I’m just concentrating really hard |
We should
by now know a few of each other’s likes and dislikes. I’m also sure we’re still
pretending that we like stuff about each other that we don’t, but you probably
like having sex and I have no qualms about withholding it, so this may continue
for awhile. That’s normal and will pass.
If you’re asking, “The pretence or the sex?” My answer: “Let’s not kill
all the mystery just yet.” So be prepared for marathon screenings of Cougar Town
where I’ll point out all the scenes I find funny(you find them funny too, by
the way). You’ll also have to listen to my compositions on the guitar, keeping
in mind that I only know five chords.
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| Sing along. Duck, chicken, goat, rabbit, dooooooog! |
Since you’re
reading this I’m guessing you may want to take a look at some of the other
posts. Like this one! I look really cute in that picture, don’t you think? Turn
away, you could be there for hours. BEWARE: Not all my posts are as magical or enchanting.
A few deal with how not good I can occasionally be in relationships. How I am
grumpy, lazy, delusional and neurotic. Yes, I get a little crazy, and not the
good in the club kind of crazy.
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| Sometimes I’m both at the same time |
But there
are nice things about me too. Look, I like making food. And when I’m not
obsessing about what our converging thoughts on the meaning of the word ‘space’
could be, I’ll want to hear you talk about yourself and the things you like. I
want to get to know you, you know. That’s an exciting as well as terrifying
thought. I’m probably more excited than terrified, but so as not to freak you
out, I’ll try to hide this fact. There’ll be jumping, skipping and silly dance
moves for no reason. Sorry, and feel free to leave the room. No, don’t(!)
because that might just hurt my feelings and seems a bit harsh for an
expression of joy. Getting back on track, I suppose what I’ve been trying to
say is that clearly I am not perfect, but that means you don’t have to be
perfect either. For instance, you may not have great taste in music, and yes I
will judge you for that, but I’m not going anywhere. Oh! That’s another one of
my annoying qualities – I’m like a bulldog. I’m a stubborn bitch!
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| Let’s cuddle |
Letting go
isn’t easy for me, because getting involved isn’t easy in the 1st
place. That’s not your responsibility, I know, but it’s something of which I
feel you should be aware. I’ve spent a large chunk of my life pretending that
I’m cool with things that I’m not. I used to think this was part of growing up
but after being slapped countless times in the face by my own stupidity, I
realized something – I am not cool. I can’t not care, even if it’s the one
thing I really want to do at the time. In actual fact, I care more when I try
not to – such joy! One of the main reasons I behaved in this way was because I
thought it was what men wanted. If there was a remote chance that a guy would
find something I did unattractive, I wouldn’t do it.
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| No, I’m not choking. Want to make out? |
So dumb, I
know! But just because I can be silly (and it’s only really most of the time),
doesn’t mean that I don’t deserve to be treated with respect and kindness. I
have a heart too. And if reading this has freaked you out to the point where
you’d rather pretend to be washing your hair than hang out with me, then you
should probably put down that cupcake I baked for you and go. However, if
you’re only slightly freaked out but still keen, then get over here, right now,
and give me a kiss!
