She lay with the covers over her heavy head. She knew it was
a cliché. Lying there, in the foetal position. He had left almost half an hour
ago. She didn't want to think about it but she was unable to stop herself. He had come
upstairs to drink his tea. She motioned to kiss him. He pecked at her like a
bird with his tongue, before softly declaring, “I want to go!” The
mortification hit her instantly and with that her senses cleared and she saw
all too clearly the great delusion she had been nurturing.
It wasn't so much the rejection but the fact that she had
unknowingly accosted a stranger in her home. When had she become a predator? It
didn't help that she was being bombarded by everyone she had told about her
“first date”. It would have to be repeated ten times over. Her shame increasing
with every consonant and vowel. Like black and white keys being punched without
ceremony.
She did the only reasonable thing she could think of doing,
and that was to go over all the possible reasons why he had rejected her. This
would be helpful in future situations, but then again, she wasn’t planning to
date after this. No, but she was a reflective individual who always strove to
look within herself. Even when it hurt most and even if it were to make things
hurt more, in order to grow and become a better person. Naturally.
1) Her
messy flat, an obvious reflection, to some a moral evaluation
2) The
fact that she had commanded him NOT to remove his teabag from his cup
3) Maybe
she had bad breath or body odour
4) Her
jeans were too tight
5) He
thought she was ugly
It could have been any one of these reasons. Perhaps a
mixture of some, and maybe even all. The result would ultimately be a congealed
mass reason for rejection that could simply be summed up as – YOU. Everything
about you at that particular moment was wrong. If you had only made your bed,
if you didn't care that tea should be brewed properly you could have been…Could have been what? Not alone, right now.
What had he done? Ooops! That was awkward and he truly did feel
bad. He would just pop her a quick SMS to say sorry. He was sorry, but not sorry for being honest. It wasn't right to lead her on. Or lead her on
anymore. Phew! The look on her face when he pulled away. He cringed when he thought about it. Ag, she would get over it. She was fun, they could be
friends. Yes, that’s what he would say.
They should be friends, because that is what he truly believed. That it was
okay to say you wanted to be friends, because in the moment it was true and
guilt somehow always likes a good consolation prize. But really when he thought
about it, if you take away that uncomfortable ending, it was such a nice
date. He could imagine doing it again
and it would be even more fun because the stupid romantic stuff would be out of
the way.
Dear Sue,
I know the way I
treated you was wrong. The truth is you were not what I expected and I have to
admit that scared me. I could’ve sat all afternoon and just listened to you
speak. That’s what I really wanted. Ha! So, I followed you to the beach and to
your place...we know what happened. You were brave enough to show your
emotions, to make a move and I was a coward. But can you blame me?! If you were
everything I thought you were I feared I could not live up to you, that I was
not good enough. At the time, I told myself it was an issue of attraction.
Actually it was, I was, am so incredibly attracted to you. Your laugh, your
intelligence, the way you almost walked into the door. I saw it and thought it
was adorable! I just couldn’t let you know that I did, that I was so into you.
Believe me, I am. And
I know this is probably late. That someone else has already shown you the
interest you deserve, but I’d like to see you again. And again after that and
after that. I know this is crazy but I just know when it comes to a woman, I
just do and I know with you. I can only ask that you will consider allowing me
the privilege to take you out again. To give me a second chance, even though I
know I don’t deserve it.
Adam
Or at least this is what Sue liked to imagine would have been
the proper romantic conclusion to this non affair – Adam dying. Not the boring
clash of schedules and the fact that neither was willing to make changes in
those schedules. She obviously couldn't be the one who died, she had too much
she still wanted to do!
A few weeks after the date he asked her if she wanted to go
to The Breadbox Market with him. She had to refuse but only because she was out of town. Sue
sighed as she imagined them bonding over artisan pizza, sprinkled with
prosciutto and rocket. They would sit on a hay bales, music in the background,
with their 11 o’clock mojitos and maybe something would happen. He would see
another side of her. The Breadbox Market side of her! Although, these trips invariably cost more than she thought they deserved afterwards. However, being
away could prove to him that she was an individual who went away on weekends!
Like she imagined fun, spontaneous people did. Even though she had moved on
from the humiliation of his rejection of her she still wanted him to like her,
actually even more so because of the rejection. Mostly because if he were to
change his mind she would be in the position to reject him. Which she would not do, no! What he would be aware of was that she had that power and chose not to
use it. They would both know it and this would bring them closer to one another
and they would be very happy as a result, because of her.
Upon receiving her reply he turned on his side and went back
to sleep. He had made the effort!
