A Well Timed Apology

I recently read an article that stated that men are less likely to want to be in a long term relationship with a funny woman. Wow, this was simply mind blowing for me! I never considered the fact that a smart, funny lady made man parts sad. One of my first responses was to write this blog post, because, as a woman, with a blog (two actually), I felt I needed to contribute to the debate. If any man, at any point, has read S.O.D., and thought the contents funny, I sincerely apologise, as this was never my intention. If the research is true, this blog should have meant that I would be in a relationship by now. Although I know myself to be very far from witty and humorous, I am afraid that some of my failed attempts at humour, were actually mistaken for being so. Please, men of the world, discard this, if it’s what you mistakenly believe! I am neither funny nor smart. Let me explain the logic. It’s been a long time now that science discovered that a woman’s brain is indeed controlled by her ovaries. Ovaries want babies. And how does one go about getting a baby? By making love to a man’s penis. Science also showed that ovaries can be vengeful. They hate sitting around month after month waiting to be fertilised. When they’re not, they get angry and cause a woman to bleed from her sex hole, sorry, one of her sex holes. It is also known that the deep recesses of a woman’s brain start to deteriorate the longer she remains unfertilised. This commonly starts to happen in her mid to late twenties. These women, and this will come as no surprise, are usually single.

The deterioration continues at a steady pace, until such time as a woman is able to find a man to “jack her up”*. If not, the decline of her mental faculties often leads her to behave in such a way that will in fact repulse men. The longer a woman remains single, the less likely she is to find a man to be with her in a relationship, therefore making her more repulsive with time. One of the manifestations of this deterioration is a false sense of confidence and intelligence, which thus leads to a woman being funny. Obviously, a woman can never really be funny, so it is more that she believes that she is so. This is proven by the fact that there are indeed no funny women out there. Ask yourself the question, have you ever met a funny woman? Have you ever wondered how, if a guy said the exact same thing, it would be funny? Well, just remember science – ovaries! Funniness in a woman has therefore become an evolutionary marker to men. The funnier the woman, the less fertile she is and therefore a less desirable long term mate. So, a funny woman is in fact less funny as in humorous, but more funny as in this-lasagne’s-gone-off.

Unfortunately, with age, these women are more likely to surround themselves with other women in similar situations, who will then feed each other’s delusion with encouragement and support. This further decreases her chances of finding a life mate, as these relationships become substitutes, albeit poor and insubstantial, for the love of a man. The development of the deterioration and the support structures often created to uphold them, mean that some women may actually start to believe that they are as funny, or even funnier than, men. They will develop a repulsion towards such things as “rape jokes”, for instance. Even though the term clearly has the word joke in it. This example clearly illustrates the degree to which the brain has weakened over time. There is a misguided notion that either certain subjects should remain off limits. Or, that if dealt with, should be done so delicately and by those with true skill and genius.  If she wasn’t a woman, she would know that comedy is the land of no limits. Please keep in mind – ovaries.

Now this brings me nicely back to my apology. I never meant to be funny and if ever I was, it was as a result of my angry ovaries. So, men, if that’s what has put you off, forget about it! There’s no way I’ll ever be smarter or funnier than you. The only reason I don’t laugh at your all jokes, is because I simply don’t get them all the time. Although I know that they must be funny, because there never has been a truer indicator of taste, quality and intelligence than a penis. And thank God you have one!

*Appropriate term used for making a woman pregnant.