So, that pause was supposed to be dramatic

Ja, I had found my 1st grey hair in the same department store where I had come shopping, as a child, for Christmas clothes, with my mother and sister.I was pretty unaffected. I was actually rather surprised that I hadn't thrown myself on the floor and broken into a hysterical fit of sobs. Usually I relish any opportunity to behave like a sexually frustrated woman from the 19th century, my corset of course being my grey hair.

Rather, I was mildly annoyed by the fact that one of the dresses I'd tried on was out of my price range. Bugger the glamourous yet low paying world of administration. Oh, yes, I forgot to mention that in my being-an-adult frenzy I'd gotten a job. For months I'd been living in my own place, supporting myself. High five me, right?! Hmmm yes, I guess, a rather tired, belaboured high five. Although very happy to have the means to feed and cloth myself, I had no idea how tough working would be. Not just the work itself, but the office politics. My desk became a good friend, I often sat under it.

I suffered from an extreme case of naivety, which was promptly allayed by a large dosage of reality. Being the big ball of emotion that I am, the reality of working in a place where you feel that you're only valued for what you do was starting to get me down. As a result I adopted a new look - tired and drained. I was also able to hone and fine tune one of my few talents - complaining. This did not, however, stop me from having insane bouts of optimism. What I like to call I-know-I-can moments on meth! These would often manifest in the form of baked goods. Oh, the disappointment that was to follow.

At this point all I wanted to do, most days, was stay in bed and pretend the world and especially my office world did not exist. Having tasted the fruits of independence though, I was not going to let it go. So, I'd drag my grumpy ass out of bed and this would continue on the train and into my office, throughout the day. I'm sure my colleagues really appreciated it, I have an awesome suur gesig, it makes lemons cringe.

For awhile I simply blamed my sadness on the bureaucracy that is an ever present feature in all organisations. Yes, I was able to avoid taking responsibility for my miserable attitude by blaming the fat man on top; this being both a figurative and literal fatness. Also, bringing me to the question: What is it with me and fat men? Anyway, my disillusionment lay partly in the fact that I felt I wasn't really being seen as anything other than an admin assistant. And, to be quite honest, I really wasn't  too great at what I was doing. Just imagine that the one thing you're valued for is also, probably, the one thing you MOST suck at. Ouch!

In the process I’d forgotten to look at what was good about my job, one of the most important factors being my colleagues. A simple pleasant exchange in the kitchen or chuckle in my office was often what would turn a kak day into a good one. One day a colleague of mine, Carol Gainer and I, were chatting in my office. She told me about this dress she owned, but thought would suit me better; she’d bring it the next day for me, to have! This could’ve been the ugliest dress in the world, because here she was giving something to someone she didn’t know, without wanting anything in return.

Let me tell you it was NOT the ugliest dress in the world. It was/is pretty awesome.  Obviously, I tried it on and paraded around the office, showing off my awesome dress to anyone who would put up with my ridiculousness. I was being ridiculous and it felt good! I remembered one of the reasons I so love dresses – it’s being five years old again and playing dress up. Doing this didn’t make me any less grown up. I still had bills to pay, loads of dirty washing to clean and a less than desirable bank balance. But what this made me see was that being “grown-up”, or at least the way I characterised it, is totally overrated. Because I love polka dots, cupcakes, Christmas beetles, jumping on the bed, falling on my ass and all the other innumerable stupid little things that are just that: stupid, but lovely. Now I have one more thing to add to this list – putting on musical note dress, with red heels :)