How to be an awful dinner guest

1) Refer to your host by the wrong name throughout the night. Choose something that in no way resembles their actual name.

"Hi Suze!"
"It's Linda."


2) Bring a gift of something you know they hate or are allergic too.

"I'm so sorry I didn't know you were both allergic to and hate chocolate covered puppy."


3) Alternatively re-gift and "forget" to remove the name tag.


4) At dinner ask, "Did you make this yourself?"


5) When they say yes quietly reply, "Oh." in a disbelieving manner.


6) Regale your host with the time you made something similar yourself and how it was such a hit with your guests and how you didn't even put that much effort in and now you are ALWAYS expected to make this particular dish at the insistence of your friends.


7) Suggest possible adjustments to improve the dish to the point where it is a completely different dish altogether.


8) At the end of the night insist that "You must do this again soon!" but never actually be available to do so.

"I'm so sorry I can't do Tuesday, I have to take my dog for a bikini wax!"

Dear Prince Charming

Dear Stepmother,

I’m probably more surprised than you will be that I'm writing this letter. I've decided to leave home. Or should I say? Your home. Yesterday, I disobeyed your wishes and went to the ball. How glad I am that I did. I wore a beautiful dress and was the envy of everyone. Then I was asked to dance by Prince Charming. And as he held me in his arms I wondered, “Is this it?” Has the culmination of my life lead to this moment? I was disappointed to say the least. It didn’t feel the way I imagined it would. I wasn’t overwhelmed with happiness, I didn’t feel complete, in fact, I felt rather empty.

This is what has lead to my decision to leave. I realised that being the significant other of Prince Charming wouldn’t actually be significant, not for me anyways. I hated you for working me so hard and treating me so badly. But it dawned on me that I could actually get paid for doing what I do for free at your house. That’s exactly what I am going to do. I’ll earn money. I’ll spend it the way I choose and with whom I choose.

Best Regards,

Cinderella

ps If Price Charming shows up please tell him I'm dead.